Boo, Dude/Script
mall is decorated for Halloween. Jonesy walks up to the Big Squeeze. Jonesy: "Hey. Scored a gig at the costume rental shop, so anyone who needs a costume is all hooked up." Caitlin: pumpkins "For free? No way. I'm going to the monster movie marathon tonight, so I want to go all out." Jude: "That's supposed to be a sick party!" Caitlin: "I know! Talon's taking me." Wyatt: "What about you two? Thinking of dressing up at work this year?" Nikki: "Yeah, right. Clones have it all covered." Caitlin: "What are they going as?" Nikki: "Do I look like I care?" Jen: "At least they're not forcing you to wear a costume. Halloween is Coach Halder's favorite holiday." Jonesy: "Let's see it." Jen: "No way, it's too embarrassing." Wyatt: "Oh come on, it can't be that bad." Jen: "Oh really?" turns around. When she looks back at the gang, she has on a pig snout and ears. Her friends laugh. Jude: "Okay. That's really bad, dude." Jen: "I know!" Caitlin: "You do not have to wear that." Jonesy: "I think–" snort "–it kinda–" snort "–suits her!" snort but Jen laughs. Jen: "It's not funny, guys!" Wyatt: "Lighten up. You make a very pretty pig." sighs as her friends laugh. Jen: "I'm trying to break an all-time monthly sales record, but how am I supposed to be taken seriously in this?" Nikki: "Maybe the Big Bad Wolf needs a new set of golf clubs." Jen: "Very funny." Jock: past "Yo Miss Piggy, digging the snout man!" chortles. Jen: "This is not going to be my day." if to underline this, Jonesy snorts, and her friends laugh again. ---- The opening credits roll. The title of this episode is '''Boo Dude!' ---- ''gang are still around the table. Caitlin accidentally saws the face off of one of the pumpkins. Jonesy: "Caitlin?" Caitlin: "Uh huh?" Jonesy: "I like your Halloween spirit. So I'm gonna let you in on a secret. Every year, we pull a prank on Ron the Rent-a-Cop." Caitlin: "All of you?" Nikki: "Oh no. This is strictly a male endeavor." Caitlin: "How long have you been doing it?" Jude: "Since our moms said we were too old to go trick-or-treating." Nikki: "Should've stuck with the candy, boys. The last few years haven't exactly made Ron pee his pants." walks by the table. Jonesy: "How's it hanging, officer?" Jen: "Sir?" Ron: "I've got my eye on you punks." Wyatt: "Glad to know we're safe and sound." Ron: in his face "Don't play games with me, maggot." holds his pose for just long enough to make Wyatt completely uncomfortable before walking away. Jonesy: "Alright, that's it! He's going down." Nikki: "What makes you think it'll be any different than last year?" Jonesy: "Because this year, we're prepared." shows her a purple book. Nikki: "A Hundred and One Great Pranks? Huh. Wonder if I can find a good one for the clones." Jude: "Allow me." takes the book, picks a prank, and then uses his cell phone to call Kristen. Kristen: "Welcome to the Khaki Barn!" Jude: a professional voice "Hello. This is the phone company. We will be passing hot steam through the phone lines to clean them. Please tell your employees to place all phones on the floor, or better yet, wrap them in towels to avoid scalding themselves. We will advise you when the wire cleanings are complete." friends start to laugh, but do their best to keep it quiet. Kristen: "Oh, thanks." ends the call. Jen: laughing "No way! They can't be dumb enough to believe that!" Nikki: "Oh, I don't know about that." the Khaki Barn, the Clones are indeed dumb enough to believe it, and are wrapping their cell phones in towels. Chrissy: "Quick, Kristen! Give me your cell phone before steam comes out of the wires!" gasps and drops her phone. ---- on, the gang is still around the table. Jude: "Okay, okay, how about toilet-papering all the trees in the mall?" Jonesy: "Ah, but that's just what he'll be expecting us to do." Wyatt: "Whoopie cushion?" Jonesy: "Please, we can do better than that." Caitlin: "Why don't you slip a store security tag in his pocket? That way, he'll set off alarms all over the mall and won't know why." Jonesy: "Brilliant! How'd you come up with that?" Caitlin: "We did it to a friend once as a joke." Wyatt: "I'll sneak one out of Spin This!" Jonesy: "Sounds like a plan." Jude: "Dude's gonna be messed up! Woohoo!" guys walk away. Caitlin: "Wait! Jonesy! I need your advice! It's a guy problem." comes running back. Jonesy: "Dr. Jonesy's in the house." Caitlin: "Okay. I've been on three dates with Talon, and he still hasn't kissed me. I don't know what's wrong!" Jonesy: "Let me guess. You've been extra nice to him lately? Maybe even thrown a few hints in?" Caitlin: "Oh, I've been hinting." Jonesy: "I know what your problem is. You want him to kiss you, and he can smell it on you." Caitlin: "Oh no! Do I smell bad?" Jonesy: "No, I mean guys are weird." Caitlin: "Well duh." Jonesy: "Okay. All those sports we play? It's because we like a challenge." Caitlin: "Ohhh." Jonesy: "So just be cool. Act like you don't care if he ever kisses you. That'll drive him wild." Caitlin: "Okay. Got it. Thanks, Jonesy." Jonesy: "Be cool." leaves, and Caitlin turns around. She gasps and ducks down. Caitlin: "Here he comes." herself "Look cool..." starts talking on her phone. "I know, right? It's gonna be such a kicking party. I'm so glad you're coming out." and a friend walk up to her. She waves. "You have to wear that super-cute red–" phone starts ringing. Caitlin: "...dress..." situation is growing ever more awkward. Talon: "Are you gonna answer that?" giggles nervously as the two guys leave. Once they've passed her, she slams her head on the counter. ---- customer is looking at sports equipment when a chainsaw revs next to him. He looks up and spots a tall man in a hockey mask and janitorial clothes wielding a chainsaw. He turns to run and rams into a mirror. Coach Halder turns off the chainsaw and raises his mask. Coach Halder: "Yes! I love it when they drop like that! Gosh Halloween is fun! Yeah!" pregnant woman being helped by Jen gasps. Jen: nervous "He really likes Halloween." woman gets up and runs out of the store. Jen watches her commission run. Coach Halder: his chainsaw "Nice work, Sally." Jen: "Coach Halder, he's out cold." Coach Halder: "Ah, he's just a little sissy boy. Can't take the heat. Hey! Put on your costume!" sighs and puts her snout back on. Coach Halder: his mask down again "Ah, that's more like it." Penalty Box Customer: back up "Ow, ow, ooh." Coach Halder: "Boo!" customer faints. "Chalk one up, sissy boy." sighs as her boss leaves and then starts to drag the unconscious customer out of the store. ---- boys watch for Ron. When they find him, they quietly follow him. Jude accosts him. Jude: "Excuse me? Mr. Rent-a-Cop? I just wanted to say that we will not be pranking you this year? So you don't have to like, try and see it coming. Because it won't be." Ron: "That had better be true, soldier." sneaks up from behind and attaches the tag to Ron's walkie-talkie. "I eat worms like you for breakfast." Jude: "Right. Okay then. Have a good day." walks onwards, and Jude rejoins his friends. They share a laugh. Jonesy: Jude "Nice job." Wyatt: "He'll be setting off alarms all day." ---- the Penalty Box, Jen has almost got the customer out. She hears giggling and looks up. Tricia, Gwen, and Mandy are looking at skis. Jen drops the customer and heads over. Jen: "I smell a big fat sale coming." a skeleton pops out of the ski display. The girls scream and scatter. Coach Halder: laughing "Oh that's fun." Jen: "Coach Halder! I know you love Halloween, but you've got to stop this! You're scaring all my–" Coach Halder: "Masterson! Where is your Halloween spirit? This is very disconcerting." Jen: "I've got spirit! I'm wearing this stupid pig snout, aren't I!" ---- has been put in the penalty box. Ron walks in and sets off an alarm. Coach Halder: "Ah. Fresh meat." lowers his mask, starts his saw, and charges. "AAAAHHH! You have two choices! I can hold you for questioning, or cut off your arms! Ha ha ha!" points the chainsaw at Ron from different angles, but the steely security officer doesn't flinch. Ron: "Questioning by whom?" Coach Halder: the chainsaw "By the law. You set my alarm off." Ron: "I am the law. And you're breaking Section 48, Subsection B: Improper use of gardening tools. Remove your facial mask." pulls out his ticket pad and flips it open. The security tag falls out, and he grabs it. Ron: "Hmm. The old security tag in the pocket trick. How original." Halder flips his mask up, and Ron hands him a ticket. "I've got my eye on you." leaves the store. The guys watch from behind a plant as he walks onwards. Wyatt: whispering "The guy's a rock." Jonesy: "We need a new prank." ---- is in a police uniform. Wyatt affixes a false mustache to his face and sends him in to the security center. Ron: up "Who is it?" Jude: "Officer Lizowski. City police." Ron: him in "And what do you want?" Jude: "Word down at the precinct is that you're way too tough on the young people in this mall." mustache slips, and he fixes it. Ron: "Mmm-hmm...you're from the precinct?" Jude: "That's right dude." Ron: "Then you won't mind quoting Section 65, Subsection D of the Mall Security Act." Jude: "That's an easy one. No uh, spitting in the fountain?" Ron: "Mmm." Jude: "No loitering?" Ron: "Mmm." Jude: "No stealing cookies." rips his mustache off. "Ow!" Ron: "No impersonating an officer." Jude: "Trick or treat?" runs off. ---- the Khaki Barn, Nikki is eating Halloween candy while Caitlin reads a magazine. Caitlin: "Spinach wrap?" Nikki: "Ew, no. Too healthy." girl in a blue sweater tries to take a piece of candy. "Hey. Back. Off." girl turns around to leave as gasps are drawn from the mouths of the Clones. Kristen: a customer "Welcome to the Khaki Barn! I'm Khaki Barn Barbie." Kirsten: "We're Khaki Barn Barbie too." phone rings. Kristen: "Nobody answer that! You could get hurt." walks over and unplugs the phone. Kirsten: "They were cleaning those! Now we're gonna have dirty phone lines!" Nikki: sarcastic "Oh, bummer." has another piece of candy. Chrissy: "You've been grazing at the bowl all morning? Those are for the customers." Nikki: "Didn't you guys hear about the fab new diet? Lose ten pounds by eating nothing but Halloween candy!" Kirsten: "Really?" takes the bowl. Soon enough, the Clones are fighting over it. Nikki: "Hmm." Caitlin "What are you reading?" Caitlin: "How to read a guy's body language. If a guy stares at your lips a lot, it means he's thinking of kissing you. Okay, this is stuff I can use." phone rings. "Hello? Sure! See you there!" up "Talon wants to meet me for frozen coffees! Wish me luck!" takes a last bite of her wrap and runs off. Nikki: "Luck!" ---- and Caitlin are drinking their coffees. Caitlin: "I always wanted to dress up as a princess for Halloween. My mom was like, 'Caitlin, pick something else!' So, finally, one year I went as a doctor. But I still wore my tiara." takes another sip. When she opens her mouth again, she has something caught in her teeth. Talon notices and stares at it. Caitlin: "I know what you're thinking." Talon: "Uh, I don't think you do." Caitlin: "You really want to kiss me right now, don't you?" Talon: "Uh, not really, no. You've got some green stuff in your teeth." points at it. Caitlin realizes what must have happened and tears up. She runs from him, holding back the sorrow. ---- guys and Jen are spying on Nice Cinnabuns. Jonesy: "Is the rat in position?" Wyatt: up a toy mouse "Check." Jen: her phone "Here he comes." Ron: the cashier "I'll have the usual." Jen: "Release the rat!" puts the rat down and uses a remote control to make it run around. It runs by Ron's feet. Ron notices but doesn't take any action. When it tries to make another cycle, the batteries die and it flops over, useless. Wyatt: whispering "The rat is dead. Repeat, the rat is dead." Jonesy: his phone "Abort! Abort!" Ron: to his unseen antagonists "Is that all you've got, punks? Is it? This day is going to be quieter than I thought!" soon as Ron leaves, the four go over to the downed toy. Jen: "Well that went well. Anyone think to check the batteries?" Jonesy: "Alright, that's it. Guys, our reputations, nay, our very manhood is at stake here. If we let Ron the Rent-a-Cop beat us, what are we?" Jude: "Not as much of a dude as he is?" Jonesy: "Exactly! Now we're going back to the drawing board, and we're gonna prank this guy good by the end of the day if it's the last thing we do." ---- customers run out of the store, screaming. Charlie Dobbs, dressed as a mummy, follows them. Charlie: "Wait, uh, don't go man! Hey, didn't you want to buy that squash gear?" more girls scream and run away as Coach Halder slashes at them with his chainsaw. Jen: her eyes "Oh, this is like a bad horror movie!" Coach Halder: "Ha ha! Did you see those two burn rubber?" sniffs the air. "Ah. Smell that fear. I love the smell of fear." Jen: "Yeah. Great." Coach Halder: behind her "Great basketballs! What's that?!?!?" Mummy is leading Stanley into the store. Stanley is costumed as a mouse. Jen: "You mean the kid?" Coach Halder: "That's a kid?!? Boy. Erf-wha-well what a relief." Jen: "Why? You're scared of mice?" Coach Halder: "Um–er–me? No. Heck no. Are you kidding? No way. Uh-uh." Jen: "Then you wouldn't mind helping that little mouse-boy out?" Halder nearly voids himself at the thought. Coach Halder: a long pause "Alright. I'm terrified of them. Got one of them in my jockstrap once, and ever since then I can't stand 'em. Filthy little critters! I don't like them." Halder picks up his chainsaw and moves away. Jen watches him go. As soon as he leaves, she laughs. ---- is explaining his plan to Jude, Wyatt, and Nikki. Jonesy: "Okay. We know Ron leaves every night at 9 P.M. sharp, right after he uses the staff-only washroom here." Wyatt: "So, we block off every one of the accessible washrooms in the mall except the one we control. The loathsome washrooms." Jude: "Next, we get a whole bunch of people to stand in the washroom and turn out the lights." Jonesy: "Right. We lure the target into the stall, then we kick open the door, turn on the lights–" Nikki: "And catch the rent-a-cop with his pants down on film! Oh, I have to admit, I'm impressed, boys." Jude: "How do we make sure he has to go to the bathroom?" Wyatt: "We bring him a peace offering." holds up a gigantic frozen coffee. "A big one." ---- Goldstein has managed to climb all the way to the top of the Penalty Box's display mountain. Jen: "I promise, if you come down, he will not saw your arms off with a chainsaw." Coach Halder: "I might!" Jen: "That is it!" stomps over to her boss. "Okay, I know you love dressing up as a murderous psychopath and scaring the crap out of all your customers, but you've GOT TO STOP!" Coach Halder: "Five minute major, Masterson! Move move move!" makes her way to the penalty box. The mummified Charlie Dobbs is just outside. Jen: "I can't take it anymore!" regretful "I was gonna get the big bonus this month. But everyone's too scared to shop here! He's like this big annoying kid." Charlie: "Tell me about it. I'd love to give him a taste of his own medicine." Jen: "That's a great idea! Let me out of here." Charlie: "But you've still got four minutes on the clock." Jen: "Now!" Charlie: cowed "Now is good." ---- and Kirsten stand at the entrance to the Khaki Barn, greeting customers. Kristen: "Trick or treat!" Kirsten: "This all-candy diet is so working. I can already feel it in my butt." walks by, talking on the phone. Nikki: "Where've you been?" Caitlin: "Hiding my humiliation." Nikki: "Oh. What happened?" Caitlin: "Oh, it's too embarrassing. But I've got our big date tonight, and one more chance to act normal." Nikki: "So...you're really gonna dress up?" Caitlin: "Duh. It's a monster movie Halloween bash! Plus, Jonesy's hooking me up." Nikki: "Right. Well, hey, don't forget to avoid the–" Caitlin: "Hold on. I see Jonesy. Talk to you later." hangs up. Nikki: the disconnected line "...loathsome washrooms." Caitlin: waving "Hey, Jonesy, did you get my costume?" Jonesy: her a bag "Here you go. That's about as all-out as they come, sister." Caitlin: "Thanks! Whatcha doin'?" Jude: "Getting ready to prank Ron." Caitlin: "Sweet. I want to hear all the details after." walks off. Jude: "Where's Wyatt?" Jonesy: "He should be delivering the goods now." ---- patrols the mall, looking for trouble and troublemakers. Wyatt gets his attention. Wyatt: "Excuse me, sir." Ron: "What now, maggot?" Wyatt: "I just wanted to say we're really sorry for all the trouble we've caused over the years. After all, you're just doing your job." Ron: "I see. What's that?" Wyatt: "It's the 50-ounce frozen cappuccino gut-buster from Grind Me. They don't make these for just anybody. Not everyone can handle it." Ron: "Hmm. Cop sure gets thirsty walking the beat all day." Wyatt: "Oh, d-do you like delicious frozen coffee drinks? Here. Consider it a peace offering, from us to you." Ron: "Alright then. As you were." takes it and sips. "Aah. That's good stuff." leaves. Wyatt: his breath "Yes! See you in about two hours." ---- elderly couple walks through the Penalty Box. Coach Halder: out "Boo!" couple scream and run faster than they have in decades. Coach Halder laughs as he watches them. Coach Halder: "That's rich!" Dobbs is behind the counter with a remote. Jen is crouched beside it. Jen: "Ready? Go." releases the toy mouse from earlier. Charlie sends it running along the floor. The mouse bumps Coach Halder's foot. Coach Halder looks down, and the mouse climbs into his coveralls and runs around his body. Coach Halder screams as Jen laughs. Eventually, he ends up on the counter, screaming and hopping. Coach Halder: in terror "Make it go away! Make it go away!" mouse pops out of his shirt. Jen walks over and picks it up. Jen: "It's just a toy rat. But you should've seen your face." Coach Halder: heavily "That was not funny. You don't know what it's like to find a rat in your jockstrap." Jen: "I know you're trying to make this a fun place to work. But maybe you should tone it down a bit. We've already had to call in the paramedics twice." Coach Halder: to recover himself "Well, you could be right. I just get such a goldarn kick out of it! You know?" Jen: "Hey! If you really want to scare someone, I know somebody who's due for a good scream. And he's not a customer." Coach Halder: "Yeah? Hmm. Well let's do it!" ---- steps into a theater. Caitlin: "Get ready for me!" is wearing a showgirl outfit. Everyone in the theater looks at her. Nobody is in costume. Chuckles begin to roll through the house. Caitlin: "Uh, am I in the right theater?" ---- guys are fixing up the loathsome washrooms. Jude: some blue liquid out "I never knew juice crystals made such realistic fake blood!" Wyatt: "Why is this puddle of blood blue?" Jude: "We don't know if alien or werewolf blood is the same as ours! Who says it's not raspberry blue?" Wyatt: "Jonesy, where are you?" Jonesy: a stall door "Adding the final touch." guys come over for a look. Jonesy has a paintbrush and a carton of butter. Jonesy: "This is an old trick I learned at rugby camp. You butter the toilet seat so they slide right into the bowl." Wyatt: a few seconds "I am so glad I'm not an athlete." Jude: "I'm with you, bro." ---- has joined Caitlin. He is also not wearing a costume. The theater is still laughing at Caitlin. Caitlin: "I thought you said this was a Halloween party." knocks Jill's popcorn over with her tail. "Oops! Sorry. I can't really control this tail." hits Talon with her headpiece. "Oops!" Talon: "Well, I think it's awesome." Caitlin: "You do?" Talon: up a bag "I was gonna get dressed up too, but I was afraid you'd think it was lame. I love Halloween." Caitlin: "No way, me too." Talon: the crowd "C'mon, guys, it's Halloween. Cut loose!" crowd agrees. The Clones: "We've got costumes too!" Chrissy: Caitlin "Yay, blonde girl! Shake that feathery tanness!" ---- the movies, Caitlin and Talon walk together. Talon is in a Batman-like costume. Caitlin: "Great costume." Talon: "Thanks, babe. You inspire me. Hey, what are you supposed to be, anyway?" Caitlin: "I don't know. Some kind of peacock-girl? Ooh, wait." sees a long restroom line. "I really have to pee." Talon: "You can use the ones in the food court. C'mon." ---- the restrooms, people have gathered to get Ron. The prankers are Jen, Nikki, Charlie, Wyatt, Jonesy, Jude, and Coach Halder. Jonesy shines a flashlight around. Jonesy: whispering "Nine o'clock. Everyone look alive." Coach Halder: quiet "Is this the part where I get to scare somebody really bad?" Jen: whispering "This guy can take it, trust me! Do your worst!" Coach Halder: whispering "All right. Bring it on!" flips his mask down. ---- and Talon are by the washrooms. Caitlin: "Oh...the girls' washrooms here are closed, and I really have to go." Talon: "The guys' washroom is still open. I'll stand lookout." Caitlin: "Okay." makes her way into the dark, spooky bathroom. She finds her way to a stall and slips inside. The prankers, hearing somebody go into the stall, creep out, ready to attack. Caitlin hears footsteps and begins to shiver. Suddenly, the door bursts open. Before her stands a man in coveralls and a hockey mask. Coach Halder: "AAAH! TIME TO DIE, SISSY BOY!" swings his chainsaw wildly. Caitlin: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!" pops up and takes a picture of the moment. Jude: "Gotcha, dude!" this moment, the butter kicks in, and Caitlin slides in, still screaming. Jen recognizes who it is. Jen: "Turn it off! It was the wrong person!" Halder stops, and the pranksters stare. Caitlin tries to lift herself out of the toilet. Caitlin: "I'm stuck! Help me!" Jude, and Wyatt start to chortle, but do move in to help her out. Caitlin: "Not you guys, the girls! Get out!!!" guys swiftly back away, and Nikki and Jen come in to help her. Jen: straining "Come on, Caitlin." Jude: "I don't get it. If Caitlin's here, where's the rent-a-cop?" the Rent-a-Cop is at the Khaki Barn, using one of their restrooms. Ron: the bathroom "Your generosity in this matter will not go unnoticed." ---- long line is outside the food court washrooms. Caitlin is outside, wrapped in a towel. Jonesy: the crowd "She's all yours." Caitlin: Talon, sniffling "I fell in." male friends snicker. "Not funny!" leave. Jonesy: "So funny." Stuart Goldstein: the bathrooms "What? Aw, man! Somebody help me out!" guys laugh and leave. ---- and Talon are sharing a lemonade. Caitlin: "I had so much fun last night! Until the incident that we will never talk about ever again." Talon: "Me too. You're really cool." stares at her lips. Caitlin: her mouth "I don't have anything in my teeth, do I?" Talon: "Not today." smooches her cheek. Nikki: "Aww. Who would've thought that a date that ended that badly could turn into such a sick little puppy-dog moment?" Ron: "Morning, folks." teens look up. Ron seems to have something on his mind to go with the thing in his hand. Wyatt: "What have you got there?" Ron: "Call it a peace offering." starts writing up tickets. "Unauthorized closing of public washrooms." Jude. "Disturbing the peace." Wyatt. "And attempted drowning by toilet of a uniformed officer while on duty." Jonesy. Caitlin: "Okay, I think some of us have already paid for that last one." Ron: "I don't want to hear a peep out of you lollygaggers for the next month. Do. You. Understand?" receives silence. Taking this as understanding, he walks off. Jonesy: "Did you take care of things?" Jude: "Oh yeah." ---- guys look into the mall security office. Ron sits in his chair, on which a chocolate cupcake has been placed. His tush squashes it. The guys giggle at this. Ron hears and looks up. They quickly duck out of his line of vision. Ron then gets up to check on them. When he exits the office, he doesn't see them anywhere, but he does see that his shoe is untied. He places his foot on a bench and begins to tie it, allowing the whole mall a view of his brown-stained pants. Category:Season 1